Traitors and Truth
by skywolf666
Summary: SheLloyd. Takes place after the Z-Skit "Traitors". There is a very fine line between cruelty and kindness, a line Zelos doesn't seem to see and crosses over. Sensing that something inside of her has broken, Lloyd patiently picks up the pieces. T.


"_You should stop and consider who betrayed whom first, don'tcha think?"_

Lloyd wasn't sure if it was just the fact that he'd been watching her closely, or that he had just come to notice these things about her after some time. It had only been a few hours since they had been transported back to Sylvarant through the gate, and most of their team were too exhausted to really do much other than sleep and hang around the camp. She was the only one who hadn't ate, slept, or spoken to anyone after 'thanking' Zelos for his aid.

She'd taken the night watch, and no one had argued with her silent choice, there was something in her deadened expression that made everyone give her leeway. He hadn't been able to sleep however, so he had watched. There was definitely something wrong with her, but he couldn't see what it was.

The fire was crackling merrily when he heard the first sound, something soft, barely noticeable, but his ears picked it up. His eyes focussed intently on her, the ninja he knew had made the noise even though he didn't know at all. It came again, the softest sniffling, and he watched as her shoulders hitched and she raised one hand to brush the back across her eyes.

He was up in an instant, even though part of his mind rang out warningly against what his body had already decided. Throwing his sleeping bag aside, he got to his feet and silently ghosted over to where she sat. She didn't notice him, a fact he was grateful for, she simply bowed her head and cried softly into her hands. He knelt down beside her, hands aching to touch her somehow to ease her pain, even though he had no idea what had caused it. Only when he spoke did she look up at him and react like a scalded cat. "Sheena...?"

Sheena jumped a foot back away from him, her body tensing instinctively for a fight even though she knew the voice had no ill intentions. She saw his concerned expression first and she could hear something break in her chest but with years of extreme training, she kept her face immobile. A last tear betrayed her however, and it fell silently from her cheek to splatter onto the grass below her feet.

Lloyd said nothing for a long moment, letting her decide what could come next. She didn't move but she did turn her head away, teeth grit tightly and hands balled into fists. Letting others see her pain was something she couldn't stand, she was independent and attempted to be morose, but all she truly wanted was the company of a family. Hands outstretched in silent invitation, he closed the distance between them and spoke softly, "It's okay Sheena... I won't judge you... If you need to talk, I'm here to listen, and if you need to cry... I'll be your shoulder too."

Sheena flinched, his words were sweet to her ears but they brought out an aching pain that Zelos' earlier words had inflicted. 'Why...? Why?!' Her knees trembled as the words echoed without end in her mind, screaming the truth that she had worked so hard to deny, to change. She felt her legs give out as if they never had the strength to support her and she was fully prepared to fall to the ground.

Lloyd moved quickly, as if his only goal in life was to catch her. She never had a chance to touch the grass below her, his arms wound tightly around her shoulders and clutched her close. Her hands weakly tried to push him away even as the tears flowed faster down her face, her instinctive need to be alone, to work alone, fighting against her just as instinctive want to be loved. There were so many reasons why she could have snapped tonight, but he didn't care about his theories, he wanted the true answer. "Sheena... What... What happened...?"

She shook her head, still trying to shove him away but his grip was too firm. She couldn't count the times she had hoped, wished, _yearned_ to be held like she was being held now, but she didn't want it, not like this. The tears refused to stop flowing, and she laughed bitterly at her own weakness. 'Look at me... I'm such a stupid, pathetic mess... I can't even stop myself from liking this... I'm so disgusting...'

"Sheena, is this about what happened at the Gate? Do you really think you deserved to die?" Lloyd asked softly, hating the way the words rolled from his tongue and the images it placed in his head. He had been unbelievably angry when he watched her take a step away from him and towards Kuchinawa, placing her life before their own without a second thought of what it could mean. He'd been so shocked, so angry, that he had failed at that crucial moment to pull her away, to yank her back to him, where he knew without a doubt in his heart she belonged.

Zelos had done it for him, without pause, and that only managed to anger him more. He hadn't been able to sleep, to seriously think clearly as long as that fury continued to eat away at him. He didn't understand why her rescue at Zelos' hands infuriated him so, she was one of all of their companions. 'Her life matters so much to me... _She_ matters so much to me... Why was it... Why did I want to be the one who saved her...?'

Her hands weakened on his jacket, and her shivering body refused to try to push him away another time. The tears wouldn't stop, obscuring her vision and sending chills down her entire body until she was nearly convulsing. The guilt and the pain was overwhelming, she could hear the voices of so many people laughing at her, screaming, cursing and condemning until they had all morphed into one solitary voice that whispered its dark words into her ear.

"_You should stop and consider who betrayed whom first, don'tcha think?"_

'It was me.' She buckled as the pain became too much sobbing silently into the arms of the one person whose voice never spoke the dark words she had come to believe, to accept as part of who she was. The arms of the one person she had frantically, almost desperately, tried to believe could look at her without eyes of hatred or condemnation even as her secrets spilled from her soul like blood, staining everything and everyone she touched. She could feel her words slipping through her mouth, words she had never had the courage to form in her own mind, let alone out loud. "I betrayed everyone. I _killed_ everyone dear to me. Grandpa... The villagers... Corrine... Who around me isn't affected by my stupidity...? I've brought so much pain to everyone I care about... Why should a person like me... Why should I deserve anything less than death?"

"Sheena... It was an accident what happened with Volt." Lloyd spoke quietly and seriously, knowing that no matter how many times he spoke the words she wouldn't believe him until he reached something inside of her. She wanted to believe him, he knew that instinctively but she continued to pull away in fear. "You couldn't control what happened, you were too young and too inexperienced. Instead of letting that go, you took in all the guilt, all of the hatred everyone forced onto you and you let them tell you what to believe."

"So Volt wasn't my fault, what about Corrine!?" Sheena demanded, looking up so quickly the tears were flung into the air to become shards of crystals. Gripping him by the front of his jacket, she let the anger flow and give her strength to try and explain herself to him. It felt backwards to try to make him understand why she was so deserving of the fate instead of letting his gentle words soothe her scarred heart and begin to heal it. She wanted him, _needed_ him to see the twisted side of her that she so desperately hid from the world. 'If he keeps talking like that, he doesn't get it... He doesn't know what he does to me... I don't... I don't deserve those words, or that kindness.' "Corrine died because of my weakness! I sat there and let him die because I was too scared to move! He was my friend, my only friend! He didn't care about the villagers, he didn't strike me down like they did, he was the only one I could trust and instead of returning that, I got him killed! Don't you get it, don't you see why I deserve to die?!"

"What will your death gain? What could you hope to get by letting yourself die after Corrine sacrificed his life to save yours?" Lloyd snapped, watching her jerk as though he'd struck her across the face. Her tears seemed endless, trickling down her cheeks to fall onto her chest and wet her clothes. Despite his hard words, he reached up with one hand to brush those tears away, each one like a sword in his heart, twisting fiercely to remind him how helpless he was to protect her. "You dying... It wouldn't do anything but cause us pain. Colette, Presea, Genis, even Zelos... We all love you. You're one of us, a part of our team, a part of our family. If you died... There wouldn't be an 'us' anymore. Without you, we wouldn't ever be complete ever again. You make us who we are, you make _me_ who I am. Don't you see that?"

Sheena cringed, his words were enticing, she could already feel the warmth of his kindness sinking through her skin to touch her heart. It offered to heal her, to scab over the wounds she never believed would be given a chance to heal. She wanted to reach out impulsively, selfishly, to let those words do what they offered, but again she held herself back.

It wasn't as if she doubted the sincerity of his words, she had travelled with him for too long to know he made it nearly impossible to lie. His eyes were too kind, too open and revealing to ever let him utter a falsehood, and it simply wasn't in his nature. Maybe that was why he attracted her so, he was almost like the sun, warm and bright, willing to give its heat to anyone who wanted it. 'But I'm tainted. I can't... He's... I can't let him dirty his hands with someone like me. He's... He's too... He doesn't deserve that...'

"Please." The words were weak, she couldn't find it in herself to yell them, to give the passion she felt as she nearly begged. 'There has to be some way to let him know.' She clutched at his jacket and buried her face in his chest, not able to let him see what agony she was enduring. It would only be one more burden for him to carry on his shoulders, another burden he didn't have to carry. "Even Zelos knows I'm a traitor, he told me so when he saw me thinking about Kuchinawa. He told me that I should think of who betrayed who first. Everything I hate, everything I tell people I can never forgive... It's what I am. I'm a traitor to my village, to my people, to my _world_ because I'm weak. Please... Why don't you just accept it about me?"

Lloyd was silent for a long moment, allowing the fury he had felt earlier towards Zelos return and this time blacken. He had many reasons to hate someone before, but her words unlocked a new level of anger he had never experienced. There was a sickening fury he felt towards the Chosen now that coupled with the childish jealousy and only made it more twisted. The redheaded swordsman who had saved her life also struck the blow that shattered her already fragile soul? His hands shaking with the effort he used to control the sudden surge of bloodlust, he asked her hoarsely, "Zelos told you that? Zelos told you that you were a traitor and no better than Kuchinawa?"

"Pretty much, Lloyd." Sheena answered him with a bitter laugh, feeling the tears finally subside, dried out. She pulled away, still trembling, though she didn't have it in her to look at his face. She didn't want to see the warmth there, the disbelief of anything and everything she said. It'd be too much. She asked him softly, bitterly, "If someone like him can see that, why can't you? Why can't you understand that he's telling the truth?"

"You have to be completely stupid to believe someone like him. Zelos doesn't know anything about the pain you've endured, the guilt you have to live with for something you didn't even cause directly. How could he possibly compare you to Kuchinawa?" Lloyd's voice was nearly a snarl, and he worked hard to keep it quiet so not to wake the slumbering party. She had looked up now, topaz eyes wide in shock as he spoke venomous words that she couldn't believe. His hands rested on her shoulders and his gaze locked with hers, his voice still rough but the words rung honestly. "If you hadn't tried and failed to kill Colette, we never would have known about Tethe'alla, about the countless people suffering because of this stupid system of the world's vying for mana. Because of you we learned about that other world, about those other people and because of you, we're able to try to change it. If you hadn't been a kind person, if you didn't have the compassionate nature that makes you, you, nothing that's happened would have happened. Colette would have been killed and someone else would have taken her place, completed the ritual and done nothing but bring us back to square one. We're where we are because you're a 'traitor' because you listen to your heart and act on that because you're a 'traitor'. If being kind and being a loving person makes you a traitor, then I guess you are one, then I guess _we all_ are traitors."

"How can you compare what I did to what you're doing?" Sheena asked incredulously, completely floored by what he had said. His eyes were fierce, daring her to argue and she did, though some part of her knew he was right. "You're trying to save the worlds, I abandoned mine!"

"Then why are you here, working with us even though you 'abandoned' Tethe'alla? Why are you risking your life to form pacts, to protect us from our enemies if you abandoned your world and your people? Why are you here?"

It was like he'd struck her again, and this time she had no answer for him. She stared at him dumbstruck, trying to make sense of the simple question. His scowl softened at her look of complete and utter shock, and he smiled gently, fingers moving slowly to trace the quickly drying trails of her tears. It was logic, pure and simple logic that shouldn't have touched her, but beyond that there was a kindness and simply truth his words that couldn't be denied no matter how she struggled. 'Why am I...?'

"_Welcome to the group Sheena!"_

"Sheena... You can't keep on believing that what you've been told is the truth. You deserve to live as much as the next person does. If you can't find your meaning on your own, I'll help you. I'll stand beside you if you think no one else will." His hands touched her neck and he leaned in close so his words would have more of an impact. His nose touched hers and his eyes never left hers as he whispered, "I will never leave your side if that's what it takes to get you to believe me. You're not a traitor, you're not a monster, and you deserve to live. I'll repeat the words as many times as you need to hear them, there isn't _anything_ I won't do to make sure you never leave my side."

"Lloyd..." His name was a shaky whisper, he could have easily mistaken it for a sharp exhale if he hadn't been so close to her. She knew it was breaking, the icy shield she kept around herself to ward off the invitations she wanted so desperately. He'd been melting her, for how long she wasn't sure, but he had done an excellent job in breaking down her defences until she needed him as she needed the next breath of air. She closed her eyes and lurched forwards to hug him, feeling something snapping and melting together at the same time inside of her. Perhaps it was her heart. "Lloyd...!"

He hugged her, gritting his teeth as she began to cry anew. These tears were different, even though it was anguish that caused them, there wasn't the same defeat in her sobs now. There was hope. He held her tightly against him, every shiver she made sending one through him. It didn't bother him, all that mattered was to hold her together, to pick up the fallen pieces of her heart and repair them. It didn't matter how long it would take, he had no fear of death. He would do it, and not because he cared for her in ways he didn't know how to express in words, but because he had to. He had to see her put together again, had to see her smile truly like he knew she could, because he wouldn't ever be complete without it.

"I'm... I'm sorry..." She whispered shakily, sniffling once as she tried to pull away from his protective embrace. She wanted to stay there, so fiercely it surprised her, but out of sheer force of will she managed it. He was frowning and she knew he was going to interrupt her, so she hurried her words, "For what I did at the Gate. I shouldn't have been so stupid... I won't do it again."

"Good..."Lloyd's expression softened, and not waiting for her permission, he gently moved his hand over her face to dry away the tears. She closed her eyes and exhaled slowly, letting him finish the work before placing his hand gently on her cheek. She opened her eyes then, her face dyed pink in the firelight, topaz eyes wide and hopeful yet scared at the same time. "Sheena... You understand now? How much you mean to us? To me...?"

"I... I think so..." The ninja answered him softly, taking a shaky breath before she attempted to smile. He chuckled ruefully at her weak attempt, but there was no malice in the sound as he raised his free hand to rest it on her neck. Her mind was spinning at their closeness, and she could feel the urge to bury herself back in his arms and this time never let go. 'I... I love you... I wish I had the strength to tell you that... But I'm... I'm so scared of being rejected...'

"Alright." Lloyd could see the fear and hurt in her expression as she lowered her eyes, and not liking that at all, he gently moved his knuckles to brush against her cheek. She looked up in surprise and he smiled gently, giving into an urge he didn't recognize. He leaned in close, his lips tenderly touching her own for only a fraction of a second, but it was enough. An explosion seemed to occur in his chest the moment the contact was made, and the roaring didn't stop until he pulled away. Completely astounded by his action, he stared at her equally stunned expression, scrambling for words. 'Why did I do that? Wh-What was...!? Dammit, it's like I took advantage of her when she was crying, shit! What kind of–'

His thoughts were cut off when he heard her laugh, a soft and gentle sound that he had only heard on a few rare occasions. She was smiling shyly at him, her face crimson but the delight obvious. She kissed him this time, the embrace as short and sweet as his had been, but it was enough to clear the confusion and worry. "Thank you..."

"No... Thank you."

They sat together in comfortable silence for about an hour, his arms wound tightly around her as though he was scared she would disappear if he let her go. She didn't seem to mind it, every so often moving to adjust herself to be more comfortable, emitting a quiet little sigh of contentedness that made him smile. When the fire had died down, he gently nudged her towards her empty sleeping bag, knowing she needed the rest more than ever.

She didn't object, merely gave him a nod and loosening herself from his warm arms. She paused before leaving him, leaning down to kiss him for the third time that night before she returned to her bed. She knew his eyes were on her as she squirmed around in the blankets to get comfortable, but she didn't really care.

Lloyd however had no intention of sleeping, his mind racing angrily now that his tranquillizer had left him. She had the odd ability to calm him with a simple touch or a word, something he hadn't noticed until right then. He waited patiently until he was sure she was asleep, he didn't want her to see what he planned to do to the man who had broken her into so many pieces.

The thought black in his mind, he got to his feet and ghosted silently through the sleeping bags of his friends, counting them as he walked among them. Presea, Genis and their new comrade Mithos slept in a small huddle, resembling innocent children as they slept. Raine's bag was close to Genis and Colette, situating herself evenly between her students, ready to protect either of them if something were to happen. Regal seemed to have the same thought in mind, his bag on the opposite end of Raine's beside Zelos' and Presea, fully prepared as well.

Lloyd moved quickly and efficiently, his hand shooting out to grab Zelos by the front of his shirt, waking him with one hard jerk. The Chosen's mouth opened immediately to cry out indignantly, but Lloyd was quick to clap his free hand over the swordsman's mouth. Hauling him to his feet and out of the sleeping bag in one smooth motion, he all but threw the redhead away from the others, eyes blazing in barely controlled fury.

"Yeesh Lloyd, so I slept in a little past my turn, no need to get so rough with me!" Zelos grumbled, rubbing his throat carelessly, not sensing the danger he was in. His body responded unconsciously however unlike his mind, resting a hand on the hilt of his blade as he glanced up to see Lloyd's angry expression. "What's up with you?"

"We need to talk." Lloyd announced coldly, fighting hard to keep his hands at his sides as the anger washed through him, swift and strong. It was strange now that Sheena was gone from his side, he no longer felt calm and at ease, the anger he'd felt the moment she'd told him it was Zelos who had done it to her was back, and screaming for vengeance. He corrected himself at Zelos' wide-eyed stare, his fury mounting at the angel's ignorance of his words. "Actually, _I_ need to talk, you need to shut up and listen."

"What the hell's wrong with you Lloyd?" Zelos asked with raised eyebrows, completely stunned by the one-eighty turn in personality. He rarely saw the twin swordsman so angry, and his instincts warned him that he was going to feel pain if he didn't watch where he was stepping. Deciding to take the course where he was least likely to get injured, he asked calmly, "What is it?"

"You're my comrade, and I value your help on this journey, and I'm glad to have met you." Lloyd began coolly, startled by how hard it was to say those words when his hands were itching to make him bleed. He could still feel Sheena shivering in his arms, crying herself hoarse because of the pain Zelos had brought back to her. "I care about all of my comrades, but there's one thing I'm not going to tolerate, and that one of us hurting another in any shape or form."

Zelos raised an eyebrow, wracking his mind to see what he possibly had done now. He knew he was blunt and had an attitude that left him looking cold, but he doubted he had done anything to earn this sort of fury from their unofficial leader. Raising his hands wearily in self-defence, he asked quietly, "I'm going to need some specifics."

"If youever make Sheena cry again..." Lloyd let the threat drop, knowing exactly what he would do and he knew that Zelos understood him loud and clear without having to finish. His teeth grit so tightly his jaw was beginning to ache, and he watched Zelos lower his eyes in understanding. He continued in a fierce whisper, "I understand why you do the things you do sometimes, being blunt can be the only way to get people to understand things, I get it. But there's a time and place to open your mouth, and what you said to Sheena wasn't appropriate. If you _ever_ make her cry _ever again_, you'll be dealing with me."

Zelos nodded once to show he understood, biting his tongue against his words. He knew better than to try to explain himself to someone who was that angry, and he had seen the gentle way their unofficial leader looked at the ninja. Lloyd had taken his words personally, and he was fully prepared to make good on his threat. 'Betrayal isn't something he takes kindly to, is it...?' The redheaded male almost smiled bitterly to himself at the thought, but out of an iron will, he didn't let it get to his face. Instead, he smiled and nodded, hands still held up in front of his face in defence. "I got it, I'll keep my mouth shut from now on. I'll even apologize when she wakes up tomorrow with a kiss, is that good?"

Lloyd's said nothing but Zelos saw the way the muscles in his jaws flexed at the mention of the word 'kiss'. His adust eyes moved automatically to where Sheena was sleeping, and when he saw her he felt his anger calm. Letting out a quiet sigh, he turned back to Zelos, willing the last of his fury to leave him. His voice quiet, he spoke in a somewhat apologetic tone,"Zelos, I know you mean well... You're not sadistic, you look out for us in your own... different, way. Sheena's been through enough though, leave her be for awhile. I know you don't think she should stew in her own feelings, but she needs to or else she'll never get the chance to do it if you keep on prodding at her wounds. At least let her have time to heal before you start nosing around."

"You still want to hit me?" Zelos asked casually, folding an arm across his chest, his free hand lightly caressing the hilt of his sword. He could see Lloyd's anger wasn't going to dim down immediately, he probably would be short with him for awhile, not that he minded. He made very little effort to bond the members of the group, he barely saw a point. There was so little time, something that constantly surprised him as they grew closer and closer to the goal. His goal.

Lloyd took a breath and ran a hand over his face in a vain attempt to clear his sudden weariness. He could still feel Sheena shivering in his arms as she sobbed herself hoarse, spilling her story between her sniffles. His anger was gone through, replaced by a dead tiredness he knew was caused by the emotional night. "No... I don't... There's no point, I told you what I wanted to... I'm sorry Zelos, you're still my comrade even if I don't approve of everything you do."

Zelos blinked in surprise, having not expected to hear the apology from the swordsman's mouth after what he had just heard. Swallowing back his shock, he tossed a hand in the air dismissively to cast a mask that he didn't care. 'He really is an idiot... Isn't he...?' Struggling to make his voice carefree, he waved his hand again and commented flippantly, "Don't worry about it, it's nothing. I best get going to my watch, get some sleep, oh great leader."

"Night Zelos."

Zelos watched as he trudged off towards the sleeping bags, though he took care to turn his head when Lloyd glanced around. The swordsman paused beside Sheena's sleeping bag, kneeling down and gently resting his hand on top of her head, leaning down to whisper something softly to her. She didn't react, but something made Lloyd smile and he sat down beside her, casually stroking her hair as if it was the most normal thing to do in the world.

'He's already in love with her, isn't he? What an idiot... He really is one-dimensional...' Zelos rubbed his neck, his skin still stinging from the force of Lloyd's earlier yank from the bed. His mind drifted to his impending betrayal, to the numerous times he had already attempted to slow the group down and the laughing words he'd struck them all with at one point or another. Lloyd took it all with a grin on his face, his trusting nature so openly apparent it made the Chosen ill. 'I have my own goals...'

"_Hehe, don't make fun of me!"_

'So why am I... hesitating now...?'

**AN**

**This is what happens when you combine sickness, with an earlier writing frenzy at two am in the morning, and loud jpop in your ears for three hours straight. Hehe... XD Considering this was meant to be a songfic, I think it worked out better then it could've... Bleh. Yay for Z-skits? XD And before anyone asks, lol, no I haven't forgotten about Jealousy, I'm just a bit stuck, tis all. I might be better after exams, might not be, lol, please don't rush the insane fangirl author. XD Hope this one ends up being better than "Rescue Me" and on that note, I'm posting a new poll soon, so be on the lookout for that, eh!**

**Sky**


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